After years of coaching young people—helping them find their voices, advocate for themselves, and harness the power of clear communication—I developed an easy-to-remember, step-by-step process inspired by tools from CBT and DBT. The PARIS technique is designed to empower anyone to communicate confidently and assertively, whether you’re navigating interviews, first dates, or everyday challenges. With PARIS, you’ll have a practical framework to express yourself effectively and build stronger, more authentic connections.

The PARIS Technique: A Psychological Approach to Interpersonal Effectiveness
Navigating important conversations—whether it’s an interview, a first date, or any high-stakes interaction—can be challenging. The PARIS technique offers a structured, psychologically-informed approach to help you communicate skillfully, stay grounded, and connect authentically.

Let’s break down each step:

P – Prepare
Preparation is the foundation of effective interaction. Clarify your intentions, understand your goals, and gather relevant information. For interviews, know your strengths and the organization’s background. For dates, reflect on what matters to you and what you’re excited to share. Preparation calms nerves and boosts confidence.

A – Audience Awareness
Being attuned to your audience is essential. Pay close attention to verbal and nonverbal cues—their mood, energy, and communication style. Adjust your approach to meet them where they are. This awareness fosters mutual understanding and makes your interactions more meaningful.

R – Rebuttals or Response
Skillful communication means responding thoughtfully, not just reacting. Anticipate possible challenges or tough questions, and prepare balanced, respectful responses. This helps you stay composed and shows that you’re attentive and adaptable.

I – Improvisation
Conversations are dynamic and often unpredictable. Embrace improvisation—stay flexible and present, and allow yourself to respond naturally as things unfold. Improvisation keeps interactions authentic and engaging, even when things don’t go as planned.

S – Solidarity
Building solidarity is about creating connection and trust. Find common ground, express empathy, and validate the other person’s experience. Solidarity transforms a simple exchange into a genuine relationship, leaving both parties feeling valued.

The PARIS technique empowers you to approach any interaction with clarity, awareness, adaptability, and empathy. By preparing, tuning in, responding thoughtfully, improvising, and building solidarity, you’ll communicate with confidence and foster stronger, more authentic connections.